Here Lies NFL Redzone: 2009 - 2024

Unknown drone-like objects are invading New Jersey and New York. Governments around the world are toppling. Our privacy is constantly under attack and being sold to the highest bidder. And now… the NFL Redzone has commercials.

Our one place of solace where we could tune in every NFL Sunday at 1pm ET on the dot and our friend Scott Hanson would be there to guide us through “seven hours of commercial-free football” has now been sold-out to our corporate overlords like everything else in our miserable lives.

Does nothing mean anything anymore? We used to be a proper country!

A country where families would gather around the dining room table to enjoy a home cooked dinner and actually talk about their day. 

A country where you could work a solid 9-5 job and afford a home, college for the kids, and summer vacations. 

A country where we could tune into the NFL Redzone channel and escape the constant bombardment of solicitation that is ever encroaching on our daily lives.

But no longer. 

NFL fans will never forget this past Sunday. We will remember where we were when it first happened and reminisce about how it used to be with friends and family for years to come.

The JFK assassination. The moon landing. Y2K (or the lack thereof).

The first NFL Sunday Scott Hanson said the words, “seven hours of commercial-free football starts now,” and lied straight to our faces.

Where was I? Sitting on the couch with my girlfriend locked into my YouTube TV quad-box with three NFL games of my choosing and of course, NFL Redzone. I didn’t notice at first because, as I just said, I was locked into my YouTube TV quad-box with three NFL games of my choosing and of course, NFL Redzone. But I noticed. 

“Wow, Redzone is slipping. They forgot to switch out of a game while the commercial’s played,” I said.

“Really?” my girlfriend said. She wasn’t paying attention, she never does. But even SHE knew Redzone doesn’t have commercials. She could hear the hurt in my voice. I had been betrayed by someone close to me. SOMETHING close to me.

But it was not a slip of the dial. Or a mistake from the guy in the booth. It was the beginning of the end of the NFL Redzone we knew and loved. The poisoning of a friend we have spent seven hours with every Sunday since September 13, 2009. 

But we will still watch. Of course, we will.

NFL Redzone knows this. 

They have us waiting on bated breath every Sunday at 1pm ET rain or shine. Sleet or snow. Commercials or not. 

We football fans are a prideful bunch. We won’t leave our friend Scott Hanson to die at the desk sponsored by DraftKings and presented by Gatorade.

We will overcome this tragedy as a proper country. Just like we used to be and STILL are.